One of the side effects of working at LEO PLAISIR is that we talk about sex more often, even outside the office. When people ask you how things are going at work and you say you're testing sex toys, it piques curiosity – and opens the door to great discussions!
We've found that the idea of using a sex toy as a couple is often present, but many don't know how to approach the subject with their partner. So here are some tips to help you discuss it and, with a bit of luck, add a toy to your next romp.
Choose the right moment
As with any conversation about your sexuality , waiting for the right time to bring up your desire to try sex toys can make all the difference. Pick a time when your significant other is calm and ready to talk, but not in an intimate context. This could be walking the dog, having coffee on a Sunday morning, or having a romantic dinner. It’s up to you to judge the right time based on how comfortable you are with communicating on the subject.
Speak in the first person
Explain the reasons why you want to use a toy with your partner. Try positive affirmations and turn your sentences into “I” statements. This helps show that it’s not because the person doesn’t satisfy you, but because you want to explore with them.
Here are some sentence ideas to inspire you:
- It's great when I use just one, but sharing those feelings with you would be amazing.
- It excites me and I would like us to discover this practice together.
- I want to make you experience unique sensations.
- This is one of my fantasies, and I would like us to realize it together.
Highlight the benefits of using a toy together
In addition to being enjoyable, using a sex toy together brings several benefits. If you feel the need, or if you think it can strengthen your proposal, you can mention them during your discussion.
It can help rekindle desire and strengthen intimacy
Discovering new sensations and trying new things together can not only rekindle sexual desire, but also create moments of complicity that bring you closer together and strengthen your intimacy.
It can help reduce performance pressure
Sexual scripts are deeply ingrained and we have all incorporated some (even several) of them throughout our lives.
Common scripts often include the following:
- You absolutely must have an orgasm during intercourse for it to be satisfying.
- So-called "male" ejaculation marks the end of intercourse; you must therefore have an orgasm at the same time or before the person with a penis.
- The so-called “female” orgasm is difficult to achieve.
- For intercourse to be complete, there must be penetration.
- The penis alone should be enough to give a vaginal orgasm.
This may be obvious, but let's remember that none of the previous statements are true. However, getting rid of these mentalities is not always easy!
Trying to conform to these scripts can put a lot of pressure on someone, whether it's to give their partner an orgasm or to have one. Adding a toy can help relieve that pressure by allowing each person to take control of their own pleasure.
Remind him that toys are allies, not competitors.
When talking to your partner about sex toys, remember that while their use is becoming more widespread and accepted, there are still some misconceptions and fears associated with them. This can be intimidating and cause performance anxiety in some people.
“Oh, so you’re not satisfied in bed?”
“Am I not good enough for you?”
"Do you want to replace me?"
If your partner is feeling these concerns, remind them that using sex toys as a couple has absolutely nothing to do with their “performance.” They are simply allies to maximize your pleasure together.
Besides, if toys have features that humans will never be able to offer (like vibrating), they will never replace the warmth of a body, the delicious tension of desire, the eroticism of movements, burning passion, tender caresses, fiery looks, kisses... All these moments of complicity are purely human and inimitable.
To calm your partner down and dispel their doubts during your conversation, highlight the human aspects of your relationship that melt you and that are irreplaceable.
Show patience and respect
The person may be completely closed to the idea of integrating a toy into your sexual relations, for different reasons. Give them time to digest and think. If you feel that their reluctance comes from the worries or scripts mentioned above, you can work to deconstruct them with them before bringing up the subject again. Depending on your situation, you could also consider the help of a sexologist to accompany you on this journey.
In any case, don't forget that their limits are valid and must be respected, just like your needs and desires. Keeping in mind that no means no, you will have to find common ground to continue to flourish while respecting everyone.
If the person seems open to the idea
That's it, your partner has given you the green light to try it. To give yourself the best possible chance and make sure everything goes well, here are some tips.
Establish your respective comfort zones together
This goes for anything sexual: Make sure to discuss your boundaries before you jump in. Are there erogenous zones you should prioritize? Body parts you should avoid? Types of toys you should avoid? Do you want to reserve toy use for special occasions?
Shop the toy together
When you feel ready, take a moment together to discover our collection of toys for couples . It can be a terribly exciting experience that strengthens your intimacy even more, and why not become your favorite activity for your naughty evenings.
For an even more exciting exploration of your desires, we invite you to enjoy our guide on the subject. Enough to inspire your next fantasies.
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💡 If your partner is hesitant to shop for a toy, opt for something soft and non-intimidating. If they’re worried about being replaced or not being enough, avoid bulky dildos or hyper-realistic shapes that imply “I need a penis (or vulva) in my life.” |
Try the toy alone first
Even the cutest or most harmless toy can be intimidating to some people, especially if it’s their first time. If this is the case for you or your partner, take some time to try it out alone first to get comfortable with the new sensations. Allow yourself some private time to explore the toy and its functions to better understand what really pleases you.
Don't have any expectations
Let's not kid ourselves, toys often have a reputation for facilitating orgasm, and that may be why you want to have one. But remember, orgasm is not an end in itself or the ultimate goal of your intimate moments!
You have decided to enrich your range of practices, it would be a shame to spoil this moment of exploration by imposing a specific objective on yourself!
Embark on this experience with the simple idea of discovering new sensations and seeing where they take you.
Some ideas of practices to try
- Show your partner how you like to use the toy by giving them a demonstration, combining business with pleasure. Seeing your significant other pleasure themselves can be extremely exciting.
- Indulge in mutual masturbation .
- If you are planning to use a vibrator, take inspiration from these testimonials .
- If the toy vibrates, explore the different erogenous zones by sliding it over your bodies.
And don't forget the lube! 😉